When all is lost, but mostly just your mind…


Ok, so I shaved my beard and moustache and cut my hair. Probably just temporally lost my mind, but there it is. CAM01490

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To rage against the world…


Right now, this very second, I want to break things. I want to break things on a scale most people cannot even begin to imagine. To see worlds burn, galaxies explode, to see the very universe in flames. I want to see oceans of blood. I want to kill my enemies

But there is a problem. a problem the size of the entire Universe. There is no one to blame for that which causes my rage. In 1959 my Grandfather died of Prostate Cancer, in 2001 my father died of lung cancer, in 2006 my brother Guy died of brain cancer, in 2011 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer( She survived), in 2015 my sister died of bone cancer, and now, in 2016 my brother Cliff has been diagnosed with lung cancer. I want to crush my enemies, see them driven before me, to hear the lamentations of their women.

The problem is… My enemy is a disease, its not a person. I can’t shoot it in the fucking head and watch it die. I can’t slowly disembowel its children and its wife while it watch and dine on its suffering as everything it holds dear and precious is slowly painfully forced to suffer the most degrading and painful of deaths. I can’t rip its left eye out and slowly skull fuck it as it suffers the indignity of feeling its impotency of being forced to watch me shred every single bit of it and its families dignity.

I have found myself trapped in the lowest of Dantes circles of hell.

I do not know what the future hold. Perhaps, like my mother my brother will survive this. It doesn’t even come close to being a sure bet. I can hope against statistical hope. I can pray that God intervenes, sometime he does, sometime he doesn’t.

Life is not fair, that is just the way it is. My brothers fate is not in my hands. Hell, it might even be my own fate.