The Planet has a fever and the only cure is…. For you to send us your money and DIE.. No seriously, we have peer-reviewed science that proves that Anthropogenic Global Warming is caused by you breathing, so you will now have to send us your money and stop breathing.
We are smarter than you are, we have fancy science degrees and we decide who gets to have their research reviewed, no peer reviewing of any nonsense we don’t approve of and if your nonsense isn’t peer-reviewed, then obviously it isn’t scientific its just worthless nonsense.
We will control your air conditioning, we will control your heat, we will control your light, we’ll even tell you what kind of light you are allowed to have. We will save ourselves from you and save your money from you. You are an illness on the planet and we will save the earth from you for ourselves.
No more will mother Gaia be forced to suffer the indignity of you polluting her water and air, no longer will her forests be cut down to offer you shelter, no longer will you strip her of her precious resources. Her animals will no longer be slaughtered to feed you or cloth you.
Science is based on our political ideologies, not on facts or theories that can be tested or results that can be reproduced, science is what we say it is, not what you think it should be. We are the scientists and science cannot be trusted to those of you who do not think in the correctly approved manner.
You must take our word for what we say is scientifically proven, you cannot question our judgments because you are not peer-reviewed, we will not approve review of your nonsense, therefore it is not scientific because it is not per-reviewed.
Now in conclusion, having settled the issue of just what constitutes the scientific method and the peer-review process for those of you suffering confusion due to overwhelming stupidity, just remember, you are not scientists, you do not understand science, you have not been peer-reviewed, we will not review anything you bring us unless it conforms with our ideology.
Now, shut your pieholes, give us your money and go take a pain pill and sit in the dark until you die… and do it quietly damn it, you are interrupting our reviewing of our peer-reviewed scientific theories…