2 months ago today.

2 months ago today, my brother succumbed to cancer.
My sister passed away on April 13th 2015, she was followed on September 15th 2016 by my mother, and then by Cliff on Feb 6th 2017.

It has been a very difficult 2 years.

Cliff and I had been attending Palomar College’s Welding technology vocational degree program together when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.

It was his dream to go college and finally earn a degree, and after a year of arguing he finally convinced me to go back to college and help him navigate his way through the process.

Cliff had finished all of his Welding course work and had about 20 units of general education remaining before he would have completed his associates degree in Welding Technology.

I have 6 units left of my welding course work, my general education requirements were completed way back in the mid 80’s.

I’m not sure I have the heart to finish those last two classes. It was his dream, not mine.

I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart everyone who contributed to his memorial fund. Cliff would have been 55 on the 27th of April 2017.



14 thoughts on “2 months ago today.

  1. Mr. SWalker,

    Think it over. Maybe you could complete those courses in time FOR your brother who doesn’t wish you to grieve and suffer.

    If it’s fun or somehow you can make it fun then do it. Plopping blobs of metal wearing a funny mask seems fun to me. They might even call you Sparky.

    • I’m almost out of money, can’t afford to go back to school, must find a job very soon or I will be homeless. Doesn’t make going back to school an option.

      • ok. Here is my advice. Find a part time job that’s low stress. The reason I say part time is because the job is just a dumb job.

        But it will distract you, keep you busy for however many hours you feel comfortable.

        Maybe 4 hrs a day.

        There are two benefits to this. 1) Its some money 2) It will heal your mind. Just a little work can help. Nothing complicated.

        That’s what I did. I was a hot mess. Then got a job serving Coffee at a well known Coffee and Frappuccino place.

        It worked, then I quit after my brain started working again.

          • That’s good. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. You’ve been through a lot. You are only human and its not your fault that you are finding things difficult. I’ve been in a similar situation. I was lucky to have people see my situation and basically filled out the job application for me and submitted it and hired me. I couldn’t have done it myself. PTSD is no fun but there are some awesome people out there that care. Tell them what happened to you. I pray your guardian angel gets busy because simple things are so difficult when you are grieving. Someone will hire you to cut you a break.

            My stupid coffee job saved me from being a vegetable.

    • There aren’t any answers Tazz, this just is how life is. It goes on until one day it doesn’t. We pick ourselves up as best we can after events like this and then we go on until one day it is us who do not.

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