I was accused recently of admitting that I had a serious drinking problem. I won’t say who the asshole who made this accusations was. He’s a complete and total asshole. He based this accusation on my admitting that I was drinking and smoking to much of late. This is a fact that I do not deny.
It is also a fact that must be taken in its correct context.
It is not an admission of a serious drinking problem. It is an admission that I am in extreme pain and grief and not dealing with it as well as my own personal standards demand.
Why am I in extreme pain? 3 members of my family had died in less than two years. My sister on April 12th of 2015, my mother on September 15th of 2016 and my brother on February 6th of 2017.
I come from a family of seven (eight), two (technically three) parents and five kids. My step father passed away in 1996, my birth father in 2001, one of my brothers in 2006, my sister in 2015, my mother in 2016 and another brother in 2017. My family now consists of me and my youngest brother.
My entire life has been dedicated to my family, nothing has ever been more important to me. Now, with the exception of my youngest brother, they are all dead, 3 of them within the last 2 years. No, I am not dealing with this like a perfect saint. I am scared, confused and in more pain than I have any ability to express.
Yes, I am smoking more than a pack of cigarettes a day and drinking more than a pint of beer a day. For me, yes, that is way more than I should. Am I a off my fucking rocker crazy alcoholic? No I am not, do I have a drinking problem, no I do not. What I have is a problem with grief and pain. I am not and never have been a very emotional person. Right now, my emotions are running wild and threatening my very sanity.
I am angry, hurt and in pain, and I am having trouble dealing with what I am going through. If you cannot understand this, then very kindly go fuck yourself. But do not spread lies about me to justify your own asshole behavior.